There are advantages to having a divorce mediator who is an attorney with experience in Divorce litigation, familiarity with court requirements, as well as knowledge of the law. The attorney mediator with divorce experience is well equipped to effectively guide the parties through the thorny thicket of the settlement process. Because the court, which has wide discretion, interprets the laws, the outcome of a case presented to the court can be far apart from anything either party or their attorneys may have envisioned or intended. By allowing the court to decide their destiny, the parties are permitting a third party to decide their financial future, and often the destinies of their children based on the limited amount of information given to the court. Mediation offers another option; a participant's ability to retain control over the outcome of those decisions based on a lifetime of information about one's self and one's family.

Frequently, people cannot arrive at a divorce settlement because there is an emotional block that really has little to do with the four areas that the court can resolve. For example, if one party feels betrayed or is concentrating on why the marriage broke down, it is often difficult for that party to move past the emotion and tackle the practical matters at hand. This "emotional block" can keep the parties from appropriately addressing the legal substance of the dispute and the financial issues, so that unless the parties are able to resolve that block at least to some degree, they may not be able to resolve the divorce. Mediation provides a forum within which to work through and past the emotional issues in order to address the financial and substantive divorce related issues. Unlike counseling, however, mediation has a specific agenda and goal, which is to arrive at a settlement point or a specific conclusion.

The advantages of mediation are manifold. The parties have an opportunity through mediation to retain control over the specifics of how they wish to resolve their disputes. Although in some cases people need to be held apart, and disputes warrant being handled through attorneys and via litigation or four way negotiations, it is often the case where people are capable of reaching a settlement when given the opportunity and appropriate forum in which to "discuss" their views on the specific areas of dispute.

In mediation, the parties are able to design a settlement, which meets their specific needs, by discussing the problems directly, in a controlled environment. In this controlled environment, the mediator's role is to educate the parties as to what options the parties may have, and help them to adhere to a framework within which to discuss these options.

Typically, the mediator will discuss with the parties the areas over which the courts have jurisdiction, then let the parties decide how they wish to proceed. For example, they can then decide to deal with the problems relative to the children first or deal with it last. Depending upon how pivotal the areas of dispute may be, the parties can select how they wish to approach each problem area. As in the example of the "emotional block," it may be that the most pivotal area is the cause of the breakdown of the marriage, even though the substance of that issue would not typically be brought to the attention of a judge. Despite that, the "emotional block" is pivotal and must be discussed, and dissolved so to allow the door to open to resolving all other disputes.

In mediation, the decision as to how to deal with non-legal issues is solely within the discretion of the parties, not the lawyers, not the courts and not the mediator. Basically the mediator is a guide through the process, in which the parties decide where they want to go, how quickly, and when.

Mediation can be adapted to the schedule of the parties. Sometimes, people need time to process information or process what is happening. Divorce is not a corporate sale, but the separation of two people who once loved each other, and assumed that they would spend a lifetime together in a predefined arrangement; marriage. Although the concept of marriage means very different things to different people, there are common threads in the beginning. Most people assume when they get married, they will have a monogamous relationship with another individual until the death of either party, and that they will merge their living arrangements and financial resources in some way.

As people grow and change, the basic contract between the parties change, either jointly, or by one person. This is where the problems begin, when one person changes the agreement and the other party assumes that the original agreement or substantial parts of the original agreement will remain the same. As a result, the marriage becomes "irreconcilably broken down," as the courts call it. People simply cannot communicate.

A mediator is a facilitator to assist the people in communicating effectively for a stated and agreed upon purpose; to reach an agreement. It is that stated purpose that makes it possible for people to resolve their differences in difficult marriage. Both people want an end, both people want an agreement, both people are there to begin to move on in one way or another.

Mediation has a number of advantages to whatever else the parties may do when confronted with a decision to commence a divorce action. In mediation, the parties can retain direct control over their future by designing their own agreement. This can also be done by the parties retaining attorneys to draft up an agreement without a mediator, but frequently, there are sticking points, which need to be addressed first. With attorneys in the picture assisting the parties in arriving at the substance of the agreement, the attorneys stand between and with their respective clients, and the four of them work out an agreement. This may be necessary in some instances. However, in mediation, the parties themselves work out the substance of the agreement. Thus the result is directly controlled by the parties, and is immediate to the problem.

There usually are financial savings as well, by using mediation. Even though the parties retain the services of a mediator by jointly sharing that expense, and they usually need separate attorneys to draft and/or review the actual divorce agreement once the process has reached that point, the role of the attorneys representing the parties is limited to reviewing the substance of the agreement with their client as a "final check," as well as drafting the necessary court papers. Although the mediator may be an attorney, the mediator's role is to help people arrive at the substance of an agreement. The parties' respective attorneys review each of their separate interests and obtain a divorce in the courts.

The Role of the Mediator
Advantages of Mediation